


The One Where Phoebe's Christmas Happens

by jademark



Series: Given Prompts [19]
Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Crack, please read the description for content warnings i dont want to have to do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 16:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jademark/pseuds/jademark
Summary: "Joey Folds His Socks So Pristinely That He Ends Up Forgetting to Pay Rent, Which Results in Phoebe's Version of Christmas Which Involves Chandler Being a Snowman and Rachel developing a Diaper Fetish  And a Giant Baby Version of Ross Pooping Into the Kitchen Sink and Crying While He Did It"





	The One Where Phoebe's Christmas Happens

**Author's Note:**

> My sister gave me this prompt despite not having watched any episodes of Friends or being familiar with the characters. You've been warned.

Joey hummed a tune to himself with a pile of clean laundry next to him. He aligned two socks on top of each other and rolled down the tops.

“Aha!” he exclaimed, grinning. “And that’s how you do it.” 

Monica and Rachel had taught Joey how to fold his laundry properly after seeing his mess of an apartment. 

Chandler walked into the apartment. Joey glanced up at Chandler while folding another pair.

“Hey. So I see you took Monica and Rachel’s advice,” Chandler said. 

“Yeah,” Joey grinned. “I really think I’m becoming an expert on folding. Where were you, man?”

“At the bank,” Chandler motioned behind him with his thumb. “Paid my share of rent a little late. I can’t believe it’s the 2nd already.”

Joey chuckled, then glanced up at Chandler in horror. “Oh no! I forgot to pay mine, too!” 

“Oh. Well you’d better get on it, then.” 

Joey stood up, sending folded socks rolling across the carpet. “I was so busy folding I forgot everything else I had to do. I have an audition today at 6. Estelle was supposed to remind me.” Joey brushed past Chandler out the door. 

Chandler glanced at all the folded garments and sighed. “Well, at least he’s washing his clothes now.” He took a seat at the bar stool and Phoebe walked in. 

“Hey, what’s up?” She asked. She glanced down at the clothes on the floor. “I see Joey’s become a master folder.”

  
“Yeah, he got entranced in it apparently and forgot he had other commitments,” Chandler said. 

“You know, it reminds me of when I got my first sock drawer since adulthood,” Phoebe said. “I had just gotten off the streets, and, well, I was finally able to organize my clothes exactly the way I wanted to for the first time in years and I was so happy that I felt like I had an epiphany.” 

“Gosh, that’s depressing,” Chandler said.

“Yeah, well, it was my Christmas gift. I got my first apartment around then. It made me wonder what my ideal Christmas would be like,” Phoebe said, staring off into space. She smiled. “I planned every detail.” 

The narrative entered Phoebe’s dream world. 

“Now in this version of Christmas,” Phoebe narrates, “You’re a snowman.”

“A snowman, huh?” Chandler says.

“Yeah, you’re a grumpy snowman with slanted charcoal eyes and a tie,” Phoebe said. “I don’t know what it is about you, but I always felt like you’d make a good snowman.” 

In the scenario, Rachel walks over, looking jittery and nervous. It’s only her and Chandler the Snowman in sight. 

“Oh, what will I tell them?” Rachel says, pacing back and forth. 

“Well, spit it out,” says Chandler the Snowman.

“Well…” Rachel sighs, sitting on nearby steps. “You have to promise not to tell anyone. At least until I say so.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Chandler the Snowman says. Cue laugh track.

“Uh… I’ve dated a lot of different guys, and learned a lot about myself in the process, and I don’t like what I’m learning…” Rachel says. “I’m… into diapers. I like guys in diapers. Chandler, please don’t tell anyone.”

“Too much information,” Chandler the Snowman says. 

Meanwhile, a giant diaper-clad baby version of Ross wanders around the kitchen in Monica and Rachel’s apartment, crying and crushing furniture and appliances in his path. He finds the sink and sits in it. After he leaves, Monica returns to her crushed and dirtied apartment and goes ballistic…

“Hold up. Hold up,” Chandler stopped Phoebe’s narrative with a wave of his hand. “What?” 

“Well, that’s what would inevitably happen,” Phoebe said.

“How did it go from me being a snowman… to, to this?” Chandler said. 

“I mean, it’s not the ideal Christmas, but you have to be realistic here,” Phoebe said. 

“Phoebe, with all respect, I don’t want to hear about your version of Christmas anymore. I think I’m going to have nightmares for the next two years.”

“Sorry,” Phoebe shrugged, as Chandler stared at the carpet floor looking disturbed. 


End file.
